


Starting Over

by StormyBear30



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-09
Updated: 2012-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-29 07:06:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim's heart is broken...but what does Jared have to do with it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starting Over

I couldn't believe that it was finally happening, couldn't believe that after almost two years of hard work and struggle, that I was finally going to get what I wanted most in the world. I couldn't stop smiling as I checked myself in the mirror one last time because it was the happiest day of my life and yet there was something lurking in the back of my mind, hindering me from being fully happy.

"Hey…you ready?" I heard a voice speak, my smile widening at a grinning Jared standing behind me.

"I've been waiting for this day for such a long time" I gushed, blushing at my eagerness.

"I know you have and I'm sorry that it took so long for it to get here" His smile diminished a little and could tell that he was truly sorry for it.

"It's ok" I smiled, hugging him quickly because I was just so damned happy.

"Ok then…lets make this official then" His laughter was loud and his smile beautiful as he patted me on the back and led me towards the door, the two of us stopping quickly as a grim faced Shannon stood before us.

"I need to talk to Tim" He spoke quietly, not meeting my eyes, his voice quivering and almost sad.

"You can talk to him all you want later tonight" Jared blew him off, gripping my arm so tightly that I almost cried out in pain from it.

"No…I need to talk to him now" Shannon demanded, taking my hand into his own before jerking me into the room I had just exited. I jumped at the slamming of the door, my heart racing so hard and so fast within my ears that I felt I might go deaf from it. "I need to tell you something" Words that turned my blood cold at the look of pain and guilt staring back at me.

"Shannon please…whatever it is just tell me later. This day is important and…" I didn't want to hear what he had to say as I made haste for the door, my feet unable to move another inch at what he said next.

"I slept with Tomo last night" He rushed out, my entire body going numb from the pain and the shock of his words. "Tim…it didn't mean anything" He was at my side, his hands upon my shoulders, staring up at me with huge and beautiful eyes that I used to get lost in every time, but at that very moment I only wanted to blacken them.

"If it didn't mean anything then why did you tell me" I spoke so softly that I didn't even recognize my own voice.

"Because the guilt's been eating me up alive. I wanted you to know because I don't want to start things off with lies and betrayal. It meant nothing Timmy…you have to believe that" Tears glistened within his eyes as his hands reached upwards and cupped my face tenderly.

"I believe you" I replied with no real emotion behind those words. The sad part was that I did believe them because in all the years that I had known him, he'd never lied to me about anything important. He often broke my heart with the truth, but he had never lied to me.

"You do? You believe me?" He asked astonished and I could see the relief floating across those same eyes I had been staring into.

"I do…" I smiled sadly, leaning down and kissing Shannon sweetly before pulling back. "Now lets go do this" I forced an even faker smile upon my face as I stepped away from Shannon and walked back out into the hallway, Jared at my side the moment that I did.

"Are you ok?" He asked, but I ignored him as I began to walk towards my destination. "Tim…" He cried out after me, but I just increased my pace. I was on a mission and no one, not Jared or Shannon was going to detour me from it.

"May I have your attention ladies and gentlemen" I called out within the large room as I stood in the center of it, all eyes upon me. "I have an announcement to make" I continued, ignoring Jared and Shannon standing in the doorway of that room, each with looks of shock upon their faces, but for totally different reasons.

"Tim…" I could hear the unsure voice of Tomo speak behind me, but I ignored him as well because I was determined to do what I was about to do.

"I regret to inform you that there will not be a wedding here today because my lovely fiancée' Shannon just couldn't keep his dick out of his best mans ass" I announced rather loudly, laughing sadly at the gasps of shock echoing all around me. "Thank you all for coming" I laughed even louder, the sound of it hurting my ears. "You mother fucker" I screamed like a banshee as I turned my head and found the man who had ruined my life trying to discreetly exit through a side door. I was on him before he even knew what hit him, fists flying anywhere that I could hit him.

"TIM…" I heard people calling out my name, but I ignored them, my only mission in hurting the person who had hurt me. I had never realized how strong Jared was, but before I knew what was going on, I found myself back in the same room I had been in earlier, Jared standing before me winded and fighting for breath as he blocked the locked door behind us. I could hear Shannon screaming from behind that door, but he had nothing that I was willing to listen to as I fell to the floor at my feet, weeping out the broken contents of my heart. I was in his arms in a second as he held me close, whispering soothing words in my ear until I felt calm enough to even try to think about what I was going to do now.

"What am I going to do Jared?" I asked, my voice raw and gravely from the pain and the tears.

"The first thing you are going to do is stand up and brush yourself off" He pulled me from the floor, hugging me quickly before pulling back and wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Now you are going to go out there with you head held high and calmly tell my brother to fuck off and then…"

"I don't know if I can" I sniffled, the pain overtaking me again because no matter how much Shannon had hurt me, I still loved him with my whole heart.

I could see the he was fighting an inner battle with himself as he bit his lip, took a deep breath before speaking again. "Then Tim…you need to decide what you want to do. You can forgive Shannon and try and move past this or you can tell him to fuck off and move on from that"

"What would you do?" I asked, hating putting him on the spot, but I was so confused I hoped that he would have something helpful to say.

"I can't answer that for you" He replied, his eyes looking so sad that it made me wonder why.

"Just answer me Jared…please" I begged.

"Just talk to Shannon" He said, turning and walking away before I had a chance to respond. Before I knew what was going on, Jared was gone and Shannon was standing before me looking just as broken as I was sure I looked.

"How could you?" I asked, the words hurting as they came from my throat.

"He just showed up. We were drunk. It shouldn't have happened" He blurted out, each word hurting my heart even more.

"I forgave you for this six months ago Shannon…how could you do this to me again?" I went on, tears rolling so hard and so large down my face that I could hear them as one by one they splattered on my dress shoes.

"Just believe me when I tell you that it won't happen again" He stepped towards me, but I stepped back because the thought of him ever touching me again made my skin crawl.

"I believed you before and look where it has gotten us now. I'll never believe anything you ever tell me again" I spoke matter of factly, despite the tears as I tried to walk past him.

"Timmy…don't go" Shannon grabbed onto my arm, jumping back when I jerked it away and walked out the door without another word spoken. Jared was at my side the moment I entered the large hallway, taking my hand into his own as he led me from the building and into the bright sunshiny day. No words were spoken between us as we entered the limo, Jared asking the driver to wait for his instruction before leaving.

"Stupid mother fucker" I cried out, punching the leather seat, ignoring the dirty looks I was receiving from the driver. I couldn't help but chuckle as Jared bitched him out before the privacy glass was lifted. "How could he do this to me again Jared?' I asked, knowing that he couldn't give me an answer, but Jesus how I wanted one.

"Shannon's a selfish man. He always has been" He replied and I instantly felt sorry that I had put him in a predicament where he was paired up against his brother.

"I'm sorry for putting you in this fucked up situation. I'll understand if you want to be with Shannon. I know that he's probably upset and…."

"Do you really think that I give two shits about my brother right now" He cut me off, taking my hand into his smaller one, just holding it as he stared deeply into my eyes. "This is exactly where I want to be" And I could tell that he meant it as I curled up into his arms and cried.

"Why did he do it? If he loves Tomo so fucking much then why did he ask me to marry him?" I asked the questions I knew Jared didn't know the answer to, but I was so hurt and shocked that I wanted answers and it didn't matter who I got them from.

"I don't know Timmy" He replied, holding me even tighter. "Shannon and Tomo have always had this very fucked up relationship…but I thought when he and you started dating that it was finally over. I'm sorry I was wrong" I could hear the regret in his voice and it caused me to feel even worse then I already felt.

"It's not your fault" I smiled up at him, refusing to remove myself from his arms, because I just needed comfort at that time.

"I know…I just feel horrible" He went on, a sadness there that plucked at my heart even more. "I just wish that I could have stopped this from happening because I always had a feeling that it would. You deserve better them him Tim. You deserve someone who can love you fully because you are an amazing person"

I ignored his words, finally breaking away from him as I stared at the partition separating us from the driver. "What am I going to do now?" I repeated my earlier question. "I mean…this entire honeymoon cruise is paid for"

"You're going to go on this trip and you are going to do things that you always wanted to do. Don't worry about my fucking brother" He growled, taking my chin into his hand and forcing me to look at him. "You go and have the time of your life and when you come back you are going to just move past this. Trust me…we have lots of work to do once you do come back. There's the new video and the tour and…" I kind of drowned him out after that, already making a decision that was going to not only hurt Shannon, but the band and the men that I thought of as friends as well. "So tell me one thing that you've always wanted to do?" I finally found my focus, thinking really hard before reaching out and cupping my hand behind Jared's neck. Before he had a chance to speak or even react, I pulled him forward and kissed him quickly. "Tim…what are you doing?" He asked and I could see the shock on his face at my actions.

"Something I've always wanted to do" I smiled up at him sadly, because as fucked up at it was, it was the truth. I had had such a huge crush of Jared when I first started with the band, but I never pursued it because he never seemed interested in me. With Shannon it was only supposed to be a one night, drunken fuck in the men's room of some random club, but then it turned into so much more.

"You've always wanted to kiss me?' He questioned me, his eyes huge as they searched my face.

"Just let me kiss you Jared" I whispered instead of answering, leaning forward and kissing him softly again, not refusing to answer his question, just not willing to do so at that moment. "I need you to kiss me…please" I begged, my arms wrapping around his neck as he moved forward and did what I asked. The first thing I noticed was that he kissed differently from Shannon. Where Shannon's kisses were usually hard and demanding, Jared's were soft and slow. Where Shannon would have just shoved his tongue into my mouth, pretty much fucking me with it, Jared asked for entry with a gentle tracing and I allowed him to pass without question. The kiss intensified rather quickly, my hands roving though his hair and over his body in a way that I knew I shouldn't be doing to the brother of the man I was going to marry just that morning, but I couldn't stop myself. "I'm sorry…" I cried out a moment later, pushing him away, fighting for breath and so ashamed of myself that I couldn't even look at Jared any longer.

"It's ok" He smiled sadly at me as I finally looked up at him. "I understand why you had to do that. No worries" I was happy that Jared claimed to understand, because the truth be told I had no idea why I had done what I had done. "You better go" He went on, shifting across the seat, opening the door and stepping out before leaning forward into the car. "Go and have fun Tim because you deserve it. Once you come back we can work on band issues because no matter what happened between you and Shannon…I don't want you leaving this band. We love you Tim and you are family…it wouldn't be the same if you weren't part of it" I could see that he meant ever word of what he said as I leaned forward and kissed him softly once again.

"Good bye Jared" I said as I locked eyes with him briefly before pulling the door closed. I felt the car pull off after that as I lost myself in a sea of Shannon's betrayal and the confusion of a look of longing I could have sworn I saw staring back at me from Jared.

The cruise turned out to be a bad idea, but I was stuck and so I just dealt with what I had. The first night I stayed locked within my room, drunk and crying over how stupid I had been to allow myself to fall for Shannon's bullshit time and time again before finally passing out. The next day I roamed the ship, ignoring anyone that tried to talk to me or even showed any bit of interest, locking myself back in my room that night, drinking myself stupid once again. On the third day I actually left the boat when it docked and toured some of the island Shannon and I would have visited together. It was a beautiful place, but my heart wasn't in it and so I went back to the boat to wallow. Before I headed back to my room I stopped by one of the bars for a drink, somehow allowing some man and his partner to chat me up before we ended up in their stateroom later that evening. I woke up the next morning with the hangover from hell and two sweaty strangers practically lying on each side of me. I snuck away without a word spoken to either one of them, finding myself once again locked within my room for the rest of the trip.

The moment I got home I packed all of the shit that Shannon had accumulated at my apartment into a box with plans to mail it back to him. Another box I loaded with everything and anything related to the band because I had made the decision that in order to move on from Shannon's betrayal, I had to leave it all behind as well. I hated the idea of leaving Jared and Tomo and the band that I had grown to love as my own, but the very idea of spending one moment near or around Shannon sent me right towards the liquor cabinet. I made another huge decision in that I left the Hollywood scene altogether and moved back home where my real friends and family lived. My life went totally normal after that and I was somewhat happy. I had a nine to five job, was dating a nice woman that despite how hard I tried, didn't help me get over Shannon by any means, but she was a nice distraction for a short time.

I never intended on stepping foot back in L.A., but then one night I got a frantic phone call from one of my good friends and before I knew it I was back in California and with another new temporary band to boot. Their bassist had gotten into a car accident and was going to be out of commission for several months and the lead singer being my friend thought of me as a temporary replacement. I was reluctant at first because the idea of being so close to Shannon, despite the fact that he wouldn't even know I was there was quite unnerving. However, one to never say no to a friend in need, I quit my regular job, said goodbye to my girlfriend and my family and flew back right into the jaws of hell. I kept telling myself that it was only a temporary gig and that help somewhat. I knew that it was pretty much impossible to stay under the radar while there, but I had been lucky enough the first few weeks not run into either of the Leto Brother's and I was thankful for that, but as luck would have it that didn't last long.

I caught him out of the corner of my eye one afternoon as I was standing in line at a coffee shop. He was sitting with some pretty young guy and by the way that he was constantly smiling at him, I knew that he was more then just a friend. Jealously floored me as I continued to watch him flirt openly over their coffee drinks, he clueless that he had an audience of one. I still can't tell you why I was so jealous when Jared and I had been nothing but friends the entire time I was with his band, but the sour taste in my mouth and the burning in my gut was nothing but pure jealously regardless. I decided coffee was a bad idea as I left my place in line, heading for the door, only to stop in my tracks at the call of my name.

"Tim?" I heard him call out hesitantly, but I just ignored him and continued on my way. "Tim…" He cried out a bit louder, once again I ignored him, only stopping at an insistent hand on my forearm. "Hey…I knew it was you" Before I knew what was happening I was crushed within his arms, him smiling against my ear. "Jesus Timmy…it's been to long" He went on, not even noticing or caring about my uncomfortableness. "You know I should kick your fucking ass for the way that you just left like you did…but I won't because can't blame you for what my brother did to you and now you're back and…"

"I'm not back" I cut him off, forgoing pleasantries as I stepped back because he was just to close for my own good. "And please don't bring up your brother. I've moved passed all of that and my life is good now" I knew I sounded hateful, but I just wasn't willing to allow myself to get sucked back into the Leto madness. "It's good to see you though Jared" I smiled, because it was nice to see him again, I just hoped that he wasn't expecting me to just allow things to go back to the way that they had been in the past.

"It's good to see you too Timmy" He smiled back, hugging me once again. "You take care of yourself" He smiled again, but there was a sadness to his eyes that just got to me. "Bye" I watched as the man he had been sitting with walked over towards us, Jared smiling sadly at me one more time before walking away.

"Jared wait…" I blurted out, grabbing onto his arm, hindering him from leaving. I ignored the dirty looks pretty boy was shooting my way as Jared turned to face me once again. "I have to meet someone now…but do you think that we could get together later tonight or tomorrow?" I asked, having a feeling I was going to regret those words, but powerless to stop them since they had already exited my mouth.

"I'm filming tonight…but we could get together tomorrow" The smile he bared was amazing and beautiful just like I remembered it as we swapped information, the pretty boy sending more death looks from hell behind us. "I'll call you tomorrow and we can make plans" He called out over his shoulder as the two of them walked away. "It's really good to see you man" He grinned, rushing over to hug me again before bounding away. I didn't say anything, just nodded and smiled before heading off in the opposite direction.

The next morning before I had even thought about getting out of bed my phone rang. I had to laugh when I saw that it was Jared because despite the near year that I had been gone, it seemed he was still an early riser. "Hello Jared…a bit early for phone calls don't you think?" I spoke into the phone, not even trying to hide the yawn that quickly followed.

"I know and I'm sorry…but I'm going to be filming all day and I wanted to talk to you before I got busy" He rambled on, my eyes fighting to stay open. "I should be done about eight and I wondered if you still wanted to get together?" I wanted to tell him no so badly, but I found myself saying yes instead, giving him the address and the phone number to the hotel I was staying in as well. There was no going back to sleep after that as I cleaned the room I was staying in and then paced and smoked like a chimney until Jared arrived later that evening.

Uncomfortable was the only way to describe our second encounter, small talking being exchanged as we sat in the living area of my hotel room. "Hungry?" I asked an hour later when the pressure of being in such a small room with him got to be too much.

"Starving" He smiled at me, jumping up off of the couch. "I know the perfect place too" Grabbing my arm, he jerked me up as well practically dragging me into the hallway. We drove in silence, each of us seeming to be lost in our own thoughts before we pulled up to a tiny restaurant. "I know it looks like a shit place but trust me when I tell you that they serve the most amazing food"

Jared was right; the food was amazing as the two of us gorged ourselves until we were so full that we could barely move. "Boy you sure know how to pack it away" I laughed at the huge belch coming from Jared as we each just sat back and relaxed while enjoying the atmosphere and our time together. "I remember a time when we couldn't get you to eat most days"

"Well times have changed. I'm not touring right now so I can eat all the healthy food that I want…on tour that's nearly impossible" Jared replied, playing with his water glass, seeming to avoid eye contact. I could tell that something was wrong and I debated for a minute or so before asking the burning questions.

"You're not touring right now?" I was hesitant, because I was afraid of what his reply was going to be. "Are you not touring with the boys anymore?"

"I've been touring solo off and on for almost a year now" He was hesitant to reply, a deep sadness in his eyes as he looked at me from across the table. I knew I had to look like a gaping fish as I opened my mouth and then closed it, opening it again before closing it because I really didn't know what to say to that. "We broke up…happens to the best of bands. Boy you've really been out of the loop for a while" He tried to laugh it off, but I could see that it was killing him to talk about it.

"I'm sorry Jared" I blurted out, feeling so awful that I wanted to vomit. "Was it because of me? Because of what happened between Shannon and I?" I hated to ask, but wanted to know just the same.

"It was only a small part of it" He spoke truthfully and I wouldn't have expected anything else from him. "After you left all Shannon and I did was fight. It got so bad that after just a couple of months Tomo had had enough and left us. He's working with another band right now and as far as I know he and Shannon don't speak anymore"

"What were Shannon and you fighting about?" I had a feeling that I already knew the answer but I asked anyway.

"I don't want to talk about it" He replied, finishing his water before standing up. "How about we call it a night" He smiled sadly at me waiting for me to stand before we took our leave.

"I'm sorry" I broke the silence as we drove back towards my hotel room.

"Sorry for what?" He asked, looking confused as he looked at me briefly before turning his attention back towards the road.

"Causing the band to break up"

"You didn't cause the band to break up" He looked at me again. "The truth is that Shannon and I were having problems long before your wedding day. It was bound to end sooner or later" He didn't say anything else as he pulled up in front of the hotel, staring straight ahead without speaking once again.

"I'll talk to you later?" I asked, opening the door but not really wanting to leave things the ways that they were, but knowing Jared the way that I did, knew it was better too.

"Yeah…sure" He rushed out, looking at me quickly before locking eyes on the scenery in front of us once again.

"Ok…bye" I said, closing the door and watching as he practically peeled out onto the street. I was so confused that I didn't know what to think as I went back to my room and tried to make sense of everything. I didn't think that I would hear from Jared so soon, but the next morning he called my cell bright and early once again apologizing for his behavior the previous evening, asking if I wanted to hang out again. I accepted without reservation because that night before he called, I finally realized just how much I missed having Jared in my life.

We started hanging out a lot after that, really getting to know each other and reestablishing our friendship from before. He was constantly trying to get me to move back to Los Angeles permanently, but I constantly declined. However, I found myself still living there four months after the bassist for the band I was subbing for came back and as much as I didn't want to admit it, Jared was a huge part of that.

"Tim…" I heard him speak as we hung out in his home later one night.

"Hmmm…" I murmured sleepily, my eyes heavy after too much food, good company and drink.

"I have to tell you something…but I don't want you to get mad at me" He went on, my full attention on the man who looked very nervous before me.

"Ok…" I spoke, waiting for the bomb to drop.

"I…I found you another band to play in" He rushed out, sitting on the edge of the couch. Knees pulled into his chest as he stared at me.

"Huh?" Was the only retort I had.

"I've found another band for you to play in. I mean their local and all…but they are damned good and they are going to be opening for me when I start touring again" He spoke more under his breath then aloud.

"Come again?" I asked, trying not to smirk at just how fucking cute Jared was acting.

"Look…I start touring again in two months and they are my opening band. I've seen them play several times and they are just amazing. Their bassist is a druggie that as luck would have it they kicked out last week. The lead singer called me today and told me that they probably wouldn't be able to tour and I…well…I told them the I had the perfect man for the job"

"Why do you want me to stay so badly?" I asked, biting the inside of my lip to keep the smile from crossing my face because for some strange and odd reason all of a sudden I felt so damned happy.

"I don't…" He belted out, crossing his arms over the top of his knees as he glared at me. "They just need a bassist and I thought you would be perfect for the job" The pout on his face was too adorable as I leaned forward and flicked the tip of his nose with my finger. "If you want to fucking leave…then leave. See if I care"

"Just tell me that you want me to stay Jared and I will" I teased, leaning over even more before I flicked his ear.

"Fuck you" He growled, pushing my hand away but I was determined as I grabbed onto his and pushed the bulk of my weight forward. He didn't have a chance as I began to tickle him with my free hand, he squirming and bellowing beneath me. He began to fight back and I had to admit that he was quite a bit stronger them I gave him credit for as he pushed me onto my back, pinning me to the couch instead. "You want to leave…then leave…no one is stopping you" He grunted as we continued to struggle, laughter surrounding us because neither one of us knew what we were struggling for anymore.

"You want me to stay just admit it" I giggled, trying to pry his hands away from my extremely ticklish sides.

"Do not…"

"Do too…"

"Do not…"

"Do too…" A huge moan wafted over my lips as he shifted forward, his knee brushing my dick. I hadn't even realized how aroused I was until that moment, Jared stopping for a moment as he gazed down at me, his mouth slightly parted and a look of lust staring back at me that took my breath away. I didn't know what was about to happen, and I didn't care as he licked his lips in invitation before moving in for a kiss. I licked my lips quickly too, thinking that what we were about to do was wrong, but my arousal pushing all of those thoughts away. His lips were so close that I could feel his hot breath across my already dry lips, one hand pinning my arms over my head, the other holding my neck as I felt a faint trace of lips brush my own as I prepared to intensify the kiss.

"Shit…" I heard him cry out instead of the anticipated kiss, a ringing noise surrounding us as he fell off of the couch and onto the floor below us. "Hel…hello" He cried out into the phone he had jerked out of his pocket, his breath ragged and rough as I continued to lie on the couch trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened. "What…shit…hold on" He pulled himself up, turning to face me. "I have to take this…"

"Yeah…I get it" I smiled, hoping that it hid my disappointment. The only problem was I didn't know what I was disappointed about. I began to leave with not another word said; Jared's back to me as he walked into another room. "Tim…wait" I heard him cry out as I stood before the front door. "Here's the number to the manager of the band I was telling you about. Give him a call if you think that it's something that you want to do"

"Thanks…" I said, but he didn't hear it as he once again turned his back to me and left me standing there.

My mind was completely fucked up and confused that night as I lie in bed rehashing over and over again what had happened, or more of what hadn't happened. I didn't hear from Jared for nearly a week, but it didn't stop me from calling the manger of that band he had told me about. A meeting was set up where I auditioned for them, just hanging out afterwards as we each got to know one another. I learned that Jared had sung nothing but the highest of my praises, so if I wanted the gig it was mine to have. My mind kept telling me to think on it, but the words "I'm in" passed across my lips before I even had a chance to think about it. The very next day I started searching for an apartment because it seemed that I had made the decision to move back into the L.A. madness once again.

I found an apartment that was rather shitty, but it was cheap and something that would keep a roof over my head until I saved some money and found something better. It was a one bedroom apartment that had seen better days, but it was partially furnished and that was one less living expense for me to worry about. I hadn't taken much with me in terms of personal affects, so the move itself only took one trip and an hour after that I was completely moved in. I knew I needed to purchase certain things like food and toiletries, but as I opened my wallet and found nothing but a ten dollar bill and an over the limit credit card, I knew I was in deep trouble. "Great…" I sighed as I fell onto a ratty and worn couch trying to figure out how I was going to live on that until I got my first pay from my new gig. The vibrating of my cell phone jerked me from such sad thoughts as I checked to see who it was.

**Stopped by your hotel to see you. Receptionist said that you checked out this am. Where are you?**

It was from Jared and as much as I wanted to see him, I didn't want him to see where I was living.

**Met with band. I'm in. Meet you for coffee?**

I texted back.

**I'll pick you up. Where are you?**

He asked again and as much as I still wanted to keep my new dwellings a secret, I knew it was only a matter of time before he found me.

**12564 Liberty Street. Text me when you get here. You'll see why when you get here**

I replied, tossing my cell phone across the couch as I laid my head back with a groan.

"What the fuck are you living here for?" He asked as after I jumped into his car, my face reddening as we drove away.

"It's all I can afford at the moment" I ground out, staring out the window, my defenses high. "I wasn't planning on moving back to L.A. and we all don't have huge bank accounts like you do Jay" The words slipped past my lips before I could stop them, those high defenses turning into pure shame once they had. "I'm sorry Jared" I turned to face him. "I didn't mean to sound so ugly"

"I know…its ok" He replied, smiling at me quickly before he turned his attention back towards the world. "It's just that if you would have told me you were short on funds I could have loaned you enough to get you through"

"I know and I appreciate that" I smiled over at him, squeezing his arm in hopes that it showed there were no hard feelings. "Might even take you up on that offer" I smiled again when he turned and glanced at me, grinning like the cat that ate the canary. "Guess that means that you are paying for coffee as well…cause I don't think that the ten dollar bill that I have in my wallet will get us very far" We both laughed as he turned into the parking lot of the coffee shop, the awkward vibe from earlier gone.

On the drive back we didn't speak much, Jared's mind seeming to be somewhere else. "Come on…lets get this over with" He said, breaking the silence as we pulled up in front of my shit hole apartment. I watched as he jumped out of the car, a look of determination on his face.

"Huh?" Was my dumb reply as he jerked open the door, jerking me out as well.

"I'm going to help you pack you shit up. You're staying with me" He didn't give me a chance to say another word as he walked into the hallway, turning to face me as he waited for me to join him. "Which one is yours?"

"Jared…I'm not moving in with you" I replied instead, crossing my arms over my chest in defiance.

"I didn't ask you to move in with me. I said you were staying with me for as long as you need too. I have that big house and besides why pay rent on a place when you won't even be here. We start touring soon and will be gone for about two months. If you stay with me you can save that money and find a better place once the tour is over"

"I can't…but thanks for the offer" I spoke, walking past him as I headed for my rat hole.

"Why not?" He followed me, undeterred.

"I just can't" I fought back, turning the key in the lock before stepping inside.

"Holy shit….it's worse then I thought" I heard him whistle as he walked up behind me. "You staying with me and that's final"

"Jared…you are not my boss anymore. You can't just walk in here and tell me what I can and can't do" I reminded sternly, but my words didn't seem to faze him one bit.

"I may not be your boss Tim…but I am your friend and I in good conscience could not sleep knowing that you were living in this rats nest of an apartment when I have a perfectly good guest room available" He rushed out, a bit of anger in his eyes, but his face showed nothing but the truth.

"I've already paid the rent" I gave in; because the truth was that would have rather lived with Jared then spend one night in that hell hole.

"I'm sure that you only paid for the week and there isn't a contract signed"

"Yeah…how did you know that?"

"I've lived in a few rats nests myself" He smiled, and I knew that there was no arguing with him any longer as I walked into the bedroom, picked up my suitcase and began to pack.

I lived with Jared for two months, practicing with my new band before we packed up and headed out on tour, the morning we were supposed to leave Jared and I getting into another heated argument. "You're coming with me and that's final" He belted out, ignoring the look of death I was shooting his way as my new band members stood behind us grinning and cackling. "I've already talked to the boys and they could care less if your scraggly ass is on their bus or mine" He ground out, determination in his eyes that only served to piss me off more and more, because as much as I wanted to spend time with Jared on his huge bus, I knew that I would never hear the end of it from the other members of my band if I did.

"Jared…they're my band. I need to go with them so I can practice because lord knows if I fuck up while on stage…you'll be the first one to bitch" I reminded rudely, walking away from him a I grabbed my duffle bag and boarded the bus that was to be my home for the next several months.

"You know it really is cool for you to ride with Leto man" The lead singer of the band hollered as he entered the bus. "I mean why the hell would you want to ride with us when you could be riding in semi privacy with your boyfriend"

"My boyfriend" I cried out, nearly choking on my tongue as I tried to wrap my mind around where he had gotten that idea from.

"No worries man. Leto's fucking hot. If I wasn't straight I'd be fucking him too" He went on, laughing at he patted me on the shoulder before moving deeper into the bus.

"Nothing straight about you when you drunk and horny" I heard someone yell from the back.

"Well if I'm drunk and horny and they're willing…who gives a fuck" He hollered back, everyone laughing at his quip except for one, but I pushed that away in an attempt to try and defend myself. .

"He's not my boyfriend" I sputtered, realizing that I was being ignored as my band mates proceeded to settle in for the long trip ahead of us. Hours later after several bottles of Jack had been shared between the band members, I sat alone in the small kitchen area, the rest passed out and trying to out snore each other. I couldn't help but smile as old memories of my days with thirty flittered across my mind and I realized for the first time in such a long time, just how much I missed them, even Shannon.

"Mind if I join you?" I heard a voice speak, nodding in reply as the drummer of the band fell into the bench in front of me, half empty bottle of Jack in hand. "What were you just smiling about?" He asked, taking a swig from the bottle before handing it over to me. I hesitated for a moment, before deciding what the hell with a heartfelt swallow. "You thinking about him?" He grinned at me, grabbing the bottle once again before taking another sip.

"Sorta…but not for the reason you think" I said, my cheeks reddening and I didn't even know why.

"There really isn't any reason to pretend with us mate" He spoke in a British accent, eyes locked on mine before continuing. "So you and Leto are more the band mates" He accented the statement with air quotes. "Trust me there isn't a one of us on this bus who hasn't crossed that line a time or two" He cast his eyes downward, scratching at the table with his fingernail.

"You and Nicky?" I asked about he and our lead singer, remembering the look of sadness that crossed his face earlier.

"Only when he's drunk or lonely" He replied and I didn't know why he was confessing to me, but I felt from day one that I could trust Charlie and before the night was over I had planned to spill a few of my own truths as well.

"I was engaged to be married to Jared's brother over a year ago. He had cheated on me a time or two before hand and I had forgiven him each time. Why I thought he was going to be any different after he asked me to marry him…I have no idea" I sighed, looking over at Charlie, his eyes patient and caring and so I continued. "Jared and I aren't together…but…" I couldn't finish that sentence because I didn't know how to finish it.

"But you feel something for him?" Charlie asked.

"The question is…what?" I replied, taking another sip of the near empty bottle.

"Yeah…what?" He repeated, his eye wandering over my shoulder before focusing back on me. "Although…I have to say that I am a bit surprised to hear that the two of you are not together"

"Why?" I asked, petrified of the answer.

"Because the way Jared talks about you…there is no denying that he feels more then just friendship for you" With that said Charlie pushed himself away from the table and headed back towards the bunks. "Night man"

I didn't know what to think of that statement as I downed the rest of the alcohol, tossing the empty bottle on the seat next to me, preparing to make an attempt at sleep that night. A vibration against my thigh caught my attention as I dug my phone out of my pocket and checked the alert.

**I'm sorry** The text message read and as confused as I was about everything Charlie had said, I couldn't help but feel a rush of happiness course through me. I had no idea what to say as I stared at the screen in what felt like forever before replying.

**Me too**

**Can't sleep?**

**No…you?**

**No**

There was no communication for a long while and I thought that maybe Jared had decided to go to give sleep a try instead of texting me back.

**We are stopping for gas in a few minutes…coffee** I couldn't help but smile because despite the fact that it was quite early in the morning and neither one of us could sleep, he still wanted caffeine.

**Your treat**

**Yeah**

**K**

**K**

Little bits of conversation were spoken as we stood off to the side of the gas station, watching the driver's fill the busses, but nothing of what I truly wanted to discuss, but I didn't know how to approach it or how Jared was going to react if I did. Instead we talked about the tour, the shows and anything else that we could come up with that really didn't pertain to anything. "I really am sorry about earlier" He finally got serious, taking a sip of his coffee before turning his attention at me. What I saw there startled and confused me even more as I too took a sip of my coffee before speaking.

"It's ok. You just have to stop demanding shit on me Jay" My mouth started running and I was clueless as to how to stop it. "I'm not your boyfriend and you can keep telling me what to do" I wanted to eat each and every one of those words at the look of hurt and then shock that he shot at me with those wide eyes of his. He opened and closed his mouth several times before speaking and by the tone of his voice I knew that I had fucked up things pretty severally with what I had said.

"Yeah…well…I said I was sorry. You don't have to worry…I won't ask anything of you again" Then he was gone, storming onto his bus in full anger and me, all I wanted to do was cry.

As expected he pretty much ignored me that first week of touring, only speaking to me when he absolutely had to. I had tried to speak to him several times alone, but he always found a way to escape me, avoid me or just completely ignore me. I was angry and I was sad and more confused then every because I truly didn't want to admit that I was falling in love with my ex-fiancée's brother and that man who I thought of as my best friend.

"You and Leto having problems man?" Nicky asked one night as we sat in the dressing room after opening the show. "He hasn't spoken more then a word or two to you since we started this tour"

"Nicky…" Charlie piped up; a warming to his voice because he knew what was going on between us.

"What…just curious as to why Timmy boy here would give up a sweet ride like Leto. I mean…he's fucking hot and loaded to boot. A guy like that you hook onto him and never let him go or bleed him dry and then kick his ass to the curb" I about hit the roof and was ready to give that jerk a piece of my mind, but Jared took that exact moment to enter the room and he said everything and more as he cursed Nicky a blue streak before taking my hand and jerking me along.

"Nice friends you got there" He belted out over his shoulder as we practically ran for his bus, fan girls galore screaming and hollering after him.

"Jared…I don't think like that. I would never use you in any way and…" I defended myself because I didn't want him to think that I thought of him as my sugar daddy.

"I know" He smiled. "And your staying on my bus tonight…no if's ands or buts" He grinned over his shoulder, before disappearing into the bathroom. I wanted to argue with him, but thought better of it as I texted Charlie quickly before making myself comfortable. I had to admit that his bus was a hell of a lot nicer then mine and it even smelled better. "What are you smiling about?" I heard him ask as he stepped out of the bathroom, freshly showered and looking damn good. "What?" He asked, scrunching his eye brows together because of the look I was giving him.

"Nothing…" I lied, watching as he stretched out on the couch next to me, lying his head next to my leg. "Tired?" I asked, getting my reply in the form of a yawn.

"Yeah…" He yawned again, shifting some until his head was lying in my lap. "Maybe I'm getting too old for this shit" He said, humming softly when I began to run my fingers through his damp hair. "That's nice" He purred, closing his eyes as I continued with my exploits. "I'm glad you're back Tim" He spoke up, startling me a little because I thought he had fallen asleep. "It's nice having you around again. I didn't realize how much I missed you until you were back"

"I missed you too" I replied softly, my hand stilling, my heart speeding up so fast that I just knew Jared could hear it. "And I'm sorry for the way I just left…but I just had to" I sighed, because the truth was that as long as Jared and I had been hanging out since I had come back, not once had we spoken of the reason I had left in the first place.

"I know and I don't blame you. Shannon was an ass for doing what he did to you" I watched, disappointed as he sat up, turning to face me. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't have even brought it up"

"No…it's ok" I assured, lying my hand upon the one he had lying in his lap. "It's good that we talk about this because I don't want it to interfere with our friendship" Friendship sounded so strange coming across my lips because I knew that what I was feeling for him was more then simple friendship. We talked for hours about everything that had happened in the past, we laughed and we cried until we were both to exhausted to do anything else but sleep. I didn't even put up a fuss when he took my hand and led me towards the back of the bus, opening a door that led to a nice sized bedroom with a full sized bed. No words were spoken as we each got ready for bed, again not even putting up a fight when he nudged me towards one side, he taking the other as he crawled under the sheets. "Night Jared" I whispered when he settled on his side, drowsy blue eyes gazing at me.

"Night Tim" He returned, leaning forward and placing a simple and quick kiss upon my lips before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. I tried to figure out what the kiss meant, if it meant anything, but the bed was too soft, the lull of the bus as it continued on its way towards the next venue too relaxing and the warmth of Jared's body too much before I fell into exhausted slumber myself.

I woke up the next morning before Jared did and I just watched him. I watched the way that his eye lids fluttered back and forth as if in some dream state. I watched the way his mouth opened and closed, soft snoring sounds wafting over lips that I had to admit that I was dying to kiss. He looked so peaceful and serene, so unlike his normal daily persona. His cheeks were lightly stubbled and despite that fact that I knew I shouldn't, I couldn't help but run the back of my hand across it. "Tim…" I heard him whisper my name, his voice heavy with sleep as he opened his eyes and stared at me. I didn't give him a chance to answer as I leaned forward, as if of no will of my own and kissed him. He seemed shocked for only a moment before he relaxed, his arms wrapping around my neck as our kiss intensified. With morning breath and all, we continued to explore each other's mouths in a way we had done just barely a year ago, when his brother had shattered my heart.

"I'm sorry…" I rushed out, pulling away from him, fighting for breath as I tried to figure out once again why my mind always seemed to shut off when it came to Jared.

"Are you really sorry?" He asked, sitting up, looking at me so patiently as he waited for my response.

"No…yes…no…" Was my stupid response.

"Well…I'm not one least bit sorry" He smiled at me, not giving me a chance to respond or react before he pushed his way forward, knocking me to my back. His mouth was on mine immediately and that time I refused to let the confusion and the shock get the better of me and I fell into the kiss head long. We made out like crazy teenagers until the call of nature broke us apart. No words were spoken as we prepared for our day, both of us smiling and blushing like mad each time that we looked at each other. We shared a small breakfast after that, just talking about everything and anything except for what had happened between us. The rest of the day we spent apart, he rehearsing on one side of the venue, me and my band mates on the other. I didn't think I was going to get a chance to see him before the show, but he proved me wrong as he ran in very quickly, kissed me soundly and then ran out of the room, leaving me to deal with my grinning band mates.

"What?" I yelled at the ribbing and shit that I got from them, ready to throttle Jared because I knew he had done it one purpose. "Fuck off" I ground out when the taunting only got worse, the smile on my face widening despite it. We became a full fledged couple after that and I couldn't have been happier. The rest of the tour I stayed on Jared's bus, spending time and making love to a man that I never thought could bring me such happiness. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months I found myself falling head over heels in love with him, but something was holding me back from expressing those words and yet I didn't know what that something was.

The tour ended and as much as I knew I should have gone out and found myself a place to stay, I never did. Instead I continued to live with Jared, figuring that once he got sick of me hanging around all the time he'd let me know. I had hoped that day would never come, but there was still the matter of his brother and what was going to happen once Shannon found out. The fact of that matter was that Jared and Shannon rarely spoke, only when something dealt with the family and that band that once meant the world to both of them, but there was fear that there was still a small chance that we would meet up again. Guilt ate away at me because of their distance, but Jared always assured me that none of this was my fault, despite the fact that I knew that some of it was. I often wondered what would happen the first time that I met up with Shannon after everything that had happened, hoping that I would never have to find out, but knowing that eventually our paths would cross. A few weeks later my fears came true.

"I have to leave" Jared whined, trying to push me off of his body, but not with any real effort as I pinned him to his bed.

"I don't want you to leave" I pouted, kissing him hungrily because I had the day off and he didn't. "Stay with me and let me make love to you all day long" I promised, reaching between us and rubbing his penis roughly with my hand.

"Jesus Tim…I wish that I could" He moaned, jerking his hips upward at my touch. "Fuck…I wish that I could" He moaned again, that time pushing me away strongly before getting out of bed and rushing into the bathroom before I had a chance to stop him.

"Ass…" I cried out at the slam of the bathroom door, laughing to myself at the "Fuck you" I heard as a reply. "I can't believe that you are going to leave me here all alone all day" I whined when he emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later, looking fresh and ready for the world.

"I'm not leaving you alone all day you big baby" He teased as he pulled a scarf out of his dresser drawer, placing it around his neck before walking over towards the bed. "I'll only be gone for a few hours and then I will come back and you can fuck me all day long"

"Promise?" I asked, leaning forward as we shared a kiss.

"Promise…" He smiled at me and I could tell that he meant those words as he kissed me quickly once again before leaving me alone in his huge bed.

"Love you" I heard him call out over his shoulder, but he didn't give me a chance to respond and that truth was that even if he had, I doubt that I would have been able to say those words back to him, despite the fact that they were true. I slept for another couple of hours before getting up and taking a shower myself. I had no idea when Jared was going to come home, because no matter how many times that he told me he would only be gone a few hours, it usually turned out to be most of the day. However, that day I thought that Jared was actually being true to his word as I heard the slamming of the front door.

"Holy shit…you've actually managed to be on time" I called out loudly as I rushed downstairs, dressed in only a pair of jeans, coming face to face with the man I had hoped to never see again. "Shannon" I cried out in shock as I tripped over a throw rug at the end of the stairs, landing within an embrace that I had hoped I had forgotten about, but quickly found that I hadn't.

"Tim…what he fuck?" Shannon cried out, pushing me back some but not letting go of me by any means. I tried to speak, tried to breath but I could do neither as I continued to stand there like a statue. "Holy shit…I didn't think that I would ever see you again" I heard him say before I found myself crushed within his arms once again. "Does this mean what I think it means?" His tears wetted my shirt as he held me even closer. "Does this mean that you've finally forgiven me" I wanted to push him away, but as the near silent sobbing hit my ears I found that I could only wrap my arms around the body that I used to worship and hold him close.

"I forgive you Shannon" I replied, closing my eyes as we just held each other, my breath catching within my throat when I opened them and found Jared standing there wide eyed and open mouthed behind us. "Jared…" I cried out when he turned around and sped out the front door that he had just entered. "Jared...wait" I screamed after his retreating figure, pushing myself away from Shannon as I ran after him. "It's not what you think" Fell of dead ears as he jumped back into his car and roared off.

"Tim…" I heard Shannon's confused voice behind me as I watched Jared's car disappear from sight before turning to face him. I told Shannon everything that late morning, starting at the very beginning and ending where things were with Jared and I at that point. I told him that I was in love with Jared and that I hoped that if I hadn't fucked things up too much between the two of us that he couldn't accept it, but that it wouldn't matter if he hadn't. Jared had gotten under my skin and in my heart and no matter what fucked up ideas he had in his head about what had happened between Shannon and I, I was determined to make him see that they was no one more important then him. Shannon informed me of a few truths that day as well. I learned that Jared had been crushing on me when I first started with the band after Matt had gotten married, but that he hadn't even tried to pursue it because I had a girlfriend. I also learned that he had been ecstatic when she and I had broken up and he had learned that I was into men as well when he found me fucking with a man in the bathroom at some club we went to one night, but that it didn't last long when he found out who it was I was fucking with. The trouble between the brothers started right after that and the closer that Shannon and I got, the farther away he and Shannon drifted apart.

"I remember that night well" I smiled sadly, reaching over and taking Shannon's hand, playing with his stubby fingers, my heart saddened that the relationship between Shannon and I had split up the two, but not regretful in the least because the love that I felt for Shannon at that time was real and that meant something to me. "That was the first time you and I were together. I was so drunk and so pissed off at the world and you were there for me"

"Well it only started out as a fuck…but then after that first night I couldn't get enough of you" He smiled back, intertwining our fingers, a sad look upon his face. "I really did love you...you know" He went on, staring deeply into my eyes. "I still do" It was more of a whisper but it broke my heart just the same as I dropped his hand before wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him close.

"I still love you too Shannon" I told him. "But it's a different kind of love now" Settling back upon the couch, I searched his face, remembering how I couldn't get enough of it before and now it was another's, his flesh and blood that I longed to look upon instead. "I love Jared and I hope that he loves me back just as much and I am going to make sure that he knows it when he comes back" I got up from the couch, walking to the window in hopes of seeing Jared's car back in the driveway. "I just wish that he would have given me a chance to explain" I turned to face Shannon, finding the room empty, a small clicking of the door alerting me to the fact that he had left. I turned my sight back towards the window, locking eyes with him as he waved goodbye with such a sad smile upon his face that it broke my heart yet again. Tears trickled down my face as I waved in return, watching as yet another Leto drove away that day.

I paced and smoked for hours until my legs were sore and my throat felt as if it were on fire. It had been hours since Shannon had left and even longer since Jared and with each minute that passed I found myself growing more worried. I had left so many voicemails on Jared's phone that I had lost count and still I hadn't heard a word. I wanted to cry, wanted to scream because everything was so fucked up and I didn't know how to fix it. Around midnight I decided to take a shower and at least try to calm myself down. I didn't have any idea where Jared could be, my mind coming up with all sorts of horrible scenarios that I thought I would drive myself mad. It was nearly two in the morning before Jared came home and I didn't give him a chance to speak, much less enter farther then the hallway before I pulled him to my body and just held him. "It meant nothing Jared" I whispered, my throat still raw from all the cigarettes I had smoked and the emotion trying to overwhelm me.

"I know" He responded, wrapping his arms around my waist, holding me as tight as I was holding him. "I just got scared for a minute and I freaked out" He admitted, stepping back before taking my hand and leading us towards the couch. He just held my hand for a few moments, neither of us speaking as the silence loomed on. "This whole thing between us is so new and I guess that I've always been afraid that there was a part of you that still loves Shannon and would leave me for him the first chance that you got"

I had to admit that his words hurt me some, but I pushed past it because I could honestly see where he was coming from. "Jared…" I made him turn to face me. "There will always be a part of me that loves Shannon…but he's my past. You're my future" I smiled, watching as he struggled with my words, a single tear bleeding down his cheek. "I know that I've never told you and I think that a part of it was because of my feelings for Shannon…but they all became crystal clear tonight" I took a deep breath before speaking words that I knew he needed to hear. "I love you Jared" I spoke loud and clear, my own set of tears joining his as I leaned forward and laid my forehead upon his, staring into misty blue eyes full of so much emotion that I felt I would drown in them.

"I'm so happy to hear you say that" He smiled such a huge smile that in the way we were positioned it looked blurry and uneven, but I knew it was genuine as I continued to gaze into his eyes. "I love you too Tim. Jesus I fucking love you" He whooshed out, grabbing onto the side of my head as he kissed me as if to prove his point. I couldn't help but chuckle at his actions, but it soon turned into a moan as he increased the velocity. "Let's go upstairs" He laughed, taking my hand once again as we raced to the bedroom where we made love for hours before exhaustion forced us to quit. "I spoke to Shannon tonight. It was why I was so late" He broke the silence that had been surrounding us as I had begun to drift off to sleep. "He knew where to find me after he left here"

"And?" I asked, my full attention on the man lying beside me.

"We tried to kick each other's ass but only ended up in a dead lock before he threatened to kill me if I ever hurt you the way that he did. I told him that I was in love with you and had been for a long time and that I would never hurt you. You do believe that now don't you?|" He asked and I could read fear so clearly within his eyes.

"I do…I believe you" I assured, rolling onto my side as I gazed down at him. "I've had feelings for you for a long time…I just didn't know what to do with them or what they meant. I think that's why I kept getting so upset when you demanded things of me" I grinned, knowing that it was also part of Jared's nature to be so in charge all the time and a part that despite my constant complaining, I loved about him.

"We've talked about patching things up between us once again…but I wanted to talk to you before I said anything because you mean the world to me Tim and…" He didn't finish he sentence as he locked tearful eyes upon mine. However, beside the pain, I could also see such hope and for the first time since that horrible day of my wedding I realized how much Jared loved and missed having his brother in his life.

"He's your brother and as much as I should hate him for what he did to me…I don't…not anymore at least" I smile, running my fingers through his hair. "Of course you want him in your life and I wouldn't stop that no matter what. I'm not going to say that it's going to be easy for any of us…but I want you to be happy Jared and I know that having Shannon back in your life will make you happy"

"Having you in my life makes me happy…having Shannon back is just an added bonus" He smiled, leaning into my touch before shifting over and kissing me. "I love you Tim"

"Love you too Jared" I sighed with content as he laid his head on my chest as I held him close. In truth I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to handle Shannon in both of our lives once again, the memories of the pain and the betrayal still very fresh, but it was important to Jared that I at least had to try and there wasn't anything that I wouldn't do for him and the love between us that meant everything to me.

The End…


End file.
